It took me awhile to adapt to everything that happened to me the during my first seven months of this life. Most of it was just everyday trials within myself. Carlise and his wife Esme are the most welcoming and gentlest 'people' that I have ever met. Since I have been 'changed', Carlise has been teaching restraint, like a father to a son. As Carlise has been like father, Esme has been a very nurturing mother They have given me their last name of Cullen in order to tell every one that Rosalie, Edward(who's last name is Mason) and I are all foster kids of theirs. Hm...Emmett Lewis Cullen.
Then there is Edward, a moody one to say the least, but can laugh and take a joke. He is helping me to adapt and how to look at things differently. It is easy for him to access my thoughts, as he is a mind reader, and can answer questions that I would love to ask, but not in front of anyone. Such as why I really don't remember much about my past who I was, and who I wanted to be. The one thing ending that every scenario takes is either I would be dead and a bear's meal, or here a vampire with a frozen forever body. I never would have believed this was true until Edward taught me the rules. If all of us followed the rules it is no wonder that our kind have been just imagined, and myths and folklore for all these years.
Well what I've been told Carlise was turned back in the 1650's, and he has never killed a human. That is really hard for me believe, as that is all I can think of is human blood. Edward was next. I guess he was dying and his mother begged Carlise to save him, almost as if she knew who and what he was. Edward then told me that Esme was next, then Rosalie. He felt that each of them should tell their own stories to him, that it was not his stories to tell.
All during this time I kept apologizing to Rosalie. I never should have blamed her when I first awakened. When I look at her I still see my personal angel. She hasn't left me alone. It seems as if I was able to sneeze, she would be there with a tissue.
Every time I apologize to her, her facial expression changes from happy to a pained look. No one here will tell me why, but I swear if she could cry she would. I keep telling her that it is OK, and how much I am drawn to her, but every time I get close to her like taking my hand, or giving her a nudge, or a hug she seems to back away from me, and I have no idea why.
I keep telling myself and her that when she is ready I'll be here, that I have forever to wait for her to be comfortable around me and with me. I keep telling her that, and she gives me a smile that would make any man stop. She is so beautiful and I tell her so many times and that she seems to believe me.
Anyway, Edward and I are planning a trip to Clarksville Tennessee. As that is where according to my ID says I am from. I want to try to try to get some of my human memories back, and check on the people I loved. Edward is the only one the seems to understand my feelings, I think it has something to do with the fact he lost both his parents to the Spanish influenza. I just would like to see. Edward says we have to wait until I'm at least a year old to be sure I have no problems with humans. That will be about 5 months from now, but planning is fun, and Edward is patient with me. Rosalie doesn't like the idea of letting me go for a month or so, but she understands why I want to go, and why I don't want her to come. I think she is just afraid of losing me. There is no chance of that, as she is one of my reasons that forever is only the smallest about of time to spend with her.
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