Going back home with Rosalie was one of the hardest things I had to do since becoming a vampire. It was as if I was a child who just broke a window. I said, "Rosalie, will Carlise toss me out?" "Emmett, Carlise understands our nature, that is why we can leave at anytime. Esme will take it to heart, as she sympathizes with the humans who die from any vampire hands, but she will mother you for being what you are" Rosalie answered.
Edward knew what happened as soon as we made it home. Usually he doesn't listen to our thoughts trying not to pry into our private life. However today I made my thoughts scream to him explaining what happened so he could warn Carlise and Esme before I got home.
When I rounded the corner I was very surprised to see Carlise waiting at the end of the drive. "Well Rosalie, Edward must be packing my bags, here is where we will part." "Emmett YOU are NOT the mind reader in this family, let's just go see what Carlise wants." I then told Rosalie how I was screaming to Edward to prepare Carlise and Esme what happened. Rosalie started to laugh "What?" I asked, which only made her laugh harder."You are a big burly vampire who has someone else tell mommy and daddy what goes wrong so you don't get punished!" That is when she started laughing so hard it seemed she was gasping for air, at which time I just started to softly growl.
To be honest I was wonderful to see my angel laugh. Don't get me wrong she does laugh, but this time it was different, she was really laughing. Seeing this reaction was like we finally made a breakthrough in our relationship.
So I approached Carlise avoiding eye contact. "Emmett, my son, I never expected any of us to be able to abstain from our true nature. We try very hard, but it is against our inherent instincts and needs. I will never hold that way of life against you, nor will I make you leave us as we are your family, but I need to ask you if that is the way you choose to live to be sure to hunt far away from home, as we need to fit in, and you must avoid any human contact with red eyes." Oh hell I thought, as if I wasn't ashamed before, I really am now! It's really not fair!
"Carlise," I said quietly "You are so unfair!" "What?" he said. "Carlise you are supposed to be yelling, and yelling and when you are done, you yell some more! Make me do extra chores, make me find a switch so you can give me a switching I won't soon forget!" I was yelling myself now. By this time I heard more laughing, and I looked around, here was Rosalie and Carlise. Esme was on the porch, an I looked up and Edward was having a real good time laughing as well. Then Edward says "Carlise we forget he is from Tennessee and they use the switch for punishment, and it is worse when you had to go and get one to be used on you!" I growled again when Edward shouted "Calm down Emmett, we are all laughing because we are trying to picture what taking a switch to you would actually do." "Yes" Esme concurred "I think maybe a redwood tree may make you feel it a little bit before you crack it in half"
All was well after I insisted to apologize make amends. Edward is going to go back to where they lived to see if there were children involved, and if so, to set them up financially so they will not have to want for not.
He made sure the house and property was paid in full. They will have a fine upbringing, with their money in trust. No one can take advantage of them, and at age of 21 the money will be theirs. Their education will teach them how to take care of their money, and how to treat people well. Edward set up an account just to pay the taxes, and left his business card of where he may be contacted if they need be.
That was very comforting to me as I would never have thought of such things.
So as far as our trip is concerned we have pushed it back for about 6 months. Hopefully I can get the human taste out of my mouth, and out of my mind.
Just to mention Esme, she was sympathetic towards me, making sure I was OK, and not kicking myself.
Rosalie helped me so much to overcome my slip. I think she is getting to trust me more and more. I hope she will soon trust me enough to let me in and help her to move on from what her problems really are, as I sit and watch climb into herself, and just go off to a land far far away. It just breaks my heart.
Emmett
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Well Nobody is Perfect
May 20th, 1936
I almost had my trip with Edward set, when something happened that could change our plans.
Rosalie and I went for a walk through the country side just taking in the sparseness of homes through this farmland. There would be a house, and the next one would be at least 5 miles away. It was an overcast sky, so we would be able to walk easily during the day. We fit in on overcasts days, with the humans. We still look different but at least we don't sparkle.
I still think of the day Rosalie showed me in the sun what happens, and why we cannot come into contact with humans,was so interesting. Both of our skin looked as if we were totally engulfed in diamonds. I didn't know exactly what I looked like without a mirror, but I can tell you that my Rosalie was so beyond words that I just blabbered about with nothing making any sense. She smiled that smile, and laughed at my actions.
So Rosalie and I were taking a walk just for something to do, as we never sleep, when all of a sudden I smelled a smell that knocked me off my feet. Rosalie asked me "Emmett what 's wrong", and I told her "I smell sweet honeysuckle and the bouquet of sweet sherry" something so amazing and asked her "Do you smell that?"
"You mean the human" she asked? I answered "Human? What human? There is no human here! It is a smell that calls out to you and invites you to partake of the wine". I started to run. I left Rosalie there on the road, looking shocked and unprepared for this moment.
I saw in my prolific vision Rosalie running after me. I knew she wouldn't catch me, and if she did, she didn't have the strength to stop me. Across the field were two humans working the land. I went for the one who's smell called to me. I took my time as it was like drinking a fine wine, and needed to be savored. The other human ran. As Rosalie ran up to try to stop me, I turned at her and growled in a crouch position. She was not going to take my meal away from me, nor did I want to share this particular wine with her.
"Calm down Emmett," she whispered, "I have no intention of stopping you, but I will not leave you in this state." Then she backed away and sat on the ground until I was done. I hate to admit this to anyone but I enjoyed the humans blood so much. It was the difference between ground beef and steak. Now I understand what Edward says about us being vegetarians. It was the most fulfilling and satisfying than any animal I have killed and drank from. I could get very used to it very quickly, but it would take me away from my guardian angel Rosalie.
I then got up and closed my eyes letting the smell capture me and again I took off in a streak that no human could see me running. I found the other human and drank him as well. I sat down on a rock and put my head in my hands. I started thinking, thinking very hard. What was it about that human that I had to have her? There was no walking away from her. Her scent was so compelling that if I didn't do anything today, I would come back and to what I just did. Worse yet I would be alone and I don't know how I would walk away from all the humans.
Rosalie came up to me quietly with a shovel in her hand. "Emmett," she asked hesitantly "I'm so sorry." I put my hands down and looked up at her. She had a little smudge of dirt on her nose, I wanted to laugh, but it was not the appropriate time or place to do so. "Your sorry?" I asked, "I'm the one who lost total self control!" "That may be right," she replied with a hitch in her voice. Is that how a vampire cries? I wondered. She sat next to me and continued "If I wasn't so selfish you wouldn't have to deal with this everyday" but I couldn't leave you there I was just as drawn to you and you to me. Remember when you said that?" I answered emphatically "Yes I remember, and those feelings, and they won't ever change".
"I already buried the first one, here you do this one." With that I handled my responsibility. When I was done I put the shovel back where it belonged, made sure everything was back in it's place, and I just wished to myself that there was no children coming home to no parents.
I turned to hug Rosalie and she backed away from me. I didn't ask her why, she always backs away when I try to hug her, give her a peck on the cheek or even hold her hand. I haven't been able to get her story out of her yet, let alone try to figure out how she could remember so much about her human life and I have so latent memories of mine. I stepped back and said to her, I am going to touch your nose with my shirt if that is ok with you. I know she was uncomfortable, but she let me do it. "There the dirt is all gone now", she smiled that smile that would make any man melt in her presence.
I had asked Edward to try and pick out of my head what my memories were, but he just said that his gift doesn't work that way. However if one pops into my head he could tell me what I was thinking about. That isn't enough really, that is why we are taking the trip to begin with.
I am writing this entry sitting on the same rock. Rosalie says it is time to go.
So now I have to go home and tell Carlise and Esme what happened. Carlise may not let me go. I will get my answer soon enough.
Emmett
I almost had my trip with Edward set, when something happened that could change our plans.
Rosalie and I went for a walk through the country side just taking in the sparseness of homes through this farmland. There would be a house, and the next one would be at least 5 miles away. It was an overcast sky, so we would be able to walk easily during the day. We fit in on overcasts days, with the humans. We still look different but at least we don't sparkle.
I still think of the day Rosalie showed me in the sun what happens, and why we cannot come into contact with humans,was so interesting. Both of our skin looked as if we were totally engulfed in diamonds. I didn't know exactly what I looked like without a mirror, but I can tell you that my Rosalie was so beyond words that I just blabbered about with nothing making any sense. She smiled that smile, and laughed at my actions.
So Rosalie and I were taking a walk just for something to do, as we never sleep, when all of a sudden I smelled a smell that knocked me off my feet. Rosalie asked me "Emmett what 's wrong", and I told her "I smell sweet honeysuckle and the bouquet of sweet sherry" something so amazing and asked her "Do you smell that?"
"You mean the human" she asked? I answered "Human? What human? There is no human here! It is a smell that calls out to you and invites you to partake of the wine". I started to run. I left Rosalie there on the road, looking shocked and unprepared for this moment.
I saw in my prolific vision Rosalie running after me. I knew she wouldn't catch me, and if she did, she didn't have the strength to stop me. Across the field were two humans working the land. I went for the one who's smell called to me. I took my time as it was like drinking a fine wine, and needed to be savored. The other human ran. As Rosalie ran up to try to stop me, I turned at her and growled in a crouch position. She was not going to take my meal away from me, nor did I want to share this particular wine with her.
"Calm down Emmett," she whispered, "I have no intention of stopping you, but I will not leave you in this state." Then she backed away and sat on the ground until I was done. I hate to admit this to anyone but I enjoyed the humans blood so much. It was the difference between ground beef and steak. Now I understand what Edward says about us being vegetarians. It was the most fulfilling and satisfying than any animal I have killed and drank from. I could get very used to it very quickly, but it would take me away from my guardian angel Rosalie.
I then got up and closed my eyes letting the smell capture me and again I took off in a streak that no human could see me running. I found the other human and drank him as well. I sat down on a rock and put my head in my hands. I started thinking, thinking very hard. What was it about that human that I had to have her? There was no walking away from her. Her scent was so compelling that if I didn't do anything today, I would come back and to what I just did. Worse yet I would be alone and I don't know how I would walk away from all the humans.
Rosalie came up to me quietly with a shovel in her hand. "Emmett," she asked hesitantly "I'm so sorry." I put my hands down and looked up at her. She had a little smudge of dirt on her nose, I wanted to laugh, but it was not the appropriate time or place to do so. "Your sorry?" I asked, "I'm the one who lost total self control!" "That may be right," she replied with a hitch in her voice. Is that how a vampire cries? I wondered. She sat next to me and continued "If I wasn't so selfish you wouldn't have to deal with this everyday" but I couldn't leave you there I was just as drawn to you and you to me. Remember when you said that?" I answered emphatically "Yes I remember, and those feelings, and they won't ever change".
"I already buried the first one, here you do this one." With that I handled my responsibility. When I was done I put the shovel back where it belonged, made sure everything was back in it's place, and I just wished to myself that there was no children coming home to no parents.
I turned to hug Rosalie and she backed away from me. I didn't ask her why, she always backs away when I try to hug her, give her a peck on the cheek or even hold her hand. I haven't been able to get her story out of her yet, let alone try to figure out how she could remember so much about her human life and I have so latent memories of mine. I stepped back and said to her, I am going to touch your nose with my shirt if that is ok with you. I know she was uncomfortable, but she let me do it. "There the dirt is all gone now", she smiled that smile that would make any man melt in her presence.
I had asked Edward to try and pick out of my head what my memories were, but he just said that his gift doesn't work that way. However if one pops into my head he could tell me what I was thinking about. That isn't enough really, that is why we are taking the trip to begin with.
I am writing this entry sitting on the same rock. Rosalie says it is time to go.
So now I have to go home and tell Carlise and Esme what happened. Carlise may not let me go. I will get my answer soon enough.
Emmett
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Adaptations
It took me awhile to adapt to everything that happened to me the during my first seven months of this life. Most of it was just everyday trials within myself. Carlise and his wife Esme are the most welcoming and gentlest 'people' that I have ever met. Since I have been 'changed', Carlise has been teaching restraint, like a father to a son. As Carlise has been like father, Esme has been a very nurturing mother They have given me their last name of Cullen in order to tell every one that Rosalie, Edward(who's last name is Mason) and I are all foster kids of theirs. Hm...Emmett Lewis Cullen.
Then there is Edward, a moody one to say the least, but can laugh and take a joke. He is helping me to adapt and how to look at things differently. It is easy for him to access my thoughts, as he is a mind reader, and can answer questions that I would love to ask, but not in front of anyone. Such as why I really don't remember much about my past who I was, and who I wanted to be. The one thing ending that every scenario takes is either I would be dead and a bear's meal, or here a vampire with a frozen forever body. I never would have believed this was true until Edward taught me the rules. If all of us followed the rules it is no wonder that our kind have been just imagined, and myths and folklore for all these years.
Well what I've been told Carlise was turned back in the 1650's, and he has never killed a human. That is really hard for me believe, as that is all I can think of is human blood. Edward was next. I guess he was dying and his mother begged Carlise to save him, almost as if she knew who and what he was. Edward then told me that Esme was next, then Rosalie. He felt that each of them should tell their own stories to him, that it was not his stories to tell.
All during this time I kept apologizing to Rosalie. I never should have blamed her when I first awakened. When I look at her I still see my personal angel. She hasn't left me alone. It seems as if I was able to sneeze, she would be there with a tissue.
Every time I apologize to her, her facial expression changes from happy to a pained look. No one here will tell me why, but I swear if she could cry she would. I keep telling her that it is OK, and how much I am drawn to her, but every time I get close to her like taking my hand, or giving her a nudge, or a hug she seems to back away from me, and I have no idea why.
I keep telling myself and her that when she is ready I'll be here, that I have forever to wait for her to be comfortable around me and with me. I keep telling her that, and she gives me a smile that would make any man stop. She is so beautiful and I tell her so many times and that she seems to believe me.
Anyway, Edward and I are planning a trip to Clarksville Tennessee. As that is where according to my ID says I am from. I want to try to try to get some of my human memories back, and check on the people I loved. Edward is the only one the seems to understand my feelings, I think it has something to do with the fact he lost both his parents to the Spanish influenza. I just would like to see. Edward says we have to wait until I'm at least a year old to be sure I have no problems with humans. That will be about 5 months from now, but planning is fun, and Edward is patient with me. Rosalie doesn't like the idea of letting me go for a month or so, but she understands why I want to go, and why I don't want her to come. I think she is just afraid of losing me. There is no chance of that, as she is one of my reasons that forever is only the smallest about of time to spend with her.
Then there is Edward, a moody one to say the least, but can laugh and take a joke. He is helping me to adapt and how to look at things differently. It is easy for him to access my thoughts, as he is a mind reader, and can answer questions that I would love to ask, but not in front of anyone. Such as why I really don't remember much about my past who I was, and who I wanted to be. The one thing ending that every scenario takes is either I would be dead and a bear's meal, or here a vampire with a frozen forever body. I never would have believed this was true until Edward taught me the rules. If all of us followed the rules it is no wonder that our kind have been just imagined, and myths and folklore for all these years.
Well what I've been told Carlise was turned back in the 1650's, and he has never killed a human. That is really hard for me believe, as that is all I can think of is human blood. Edward was next. I guess he was dying and his mother begged Carlise to save him, almost as if she knew who and what he was. Edward then told me that Esme was next, then Rosalie. He felt that each of them should tell their own stories to him, that it was not his stories to tell.
All during this time I kept apologizing to Rosalie. I never should have blamed her when I first awakened. When I look at her I still see my personal angel. She hasn't left me alone. It seems as if I was able to sneeze, she would be there with a tissue.
Every time I apologize to her, her facial expression changes from happy to a pained look. No one here will tell me why, but I swear if she could cry she would. I keep telling her that it is OK, and how much I am drawn to her, but every time I get close to her like taking my hand, or giving her a nudge, or a hug she seems to back away from me, and I have no idea why.
I keep telling myself and her that when she is ready I'll be here, that I have forever to wait for her to be comfortable around me and with me. I keep telling her that, and she gives me a smile that would make any man stop. She is so beautiful and I tell her so many times and that she seems to believe me.
Anyway, Edward and I are planning a trip to Clarksville Tennessee. As that is where according to my ID says I am from. I want to try to try to get some of my human memories back, and check on the people I loved. Edward is the only one the seems to understand my feelings, I think it has something to do with the fact he lost both his parents to the Spanish influenza. I just would like to see. Edward says we have to wait until I'm at least a year old to be sure I have no problems with humans. That will be about 5 months from now, but planning is fun, and Edward is patient with me. Rosalie doesn't like the idea of letting me go for a month or so, but she understands why I want to go, and why I don't want her to come. I think she is just afraid of losing me. There is no chance of that, as she is one of my reasons that forever is only the smallest about of time to spend with her.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
What Kind Of Monster Have I Become?
When I felt the fire go down through my chest I could hear this Carlise guy keep telling me what was happening to me. I didn't make sense at all. I thought the intense burning I was going through was messing up my hearing but that can't be possible because I think I hear whispers and footsteps that a man could not simply hear. I didn't understand why this Carlise left me in the fire, you would think a normal person would have pulled me out of the blaze. As my Angel had asked if I could be saved.
As she held my hand during much of the pain filled me, I learned her name was Rosalie. A beautiful name for a beautiful angel.
With this pain I was feeling I was wondering if she was a Siren calling out to me and drag me to hell. I wondered if maybe I was a bad person and I had died and had gone to hell, but the soft voices around me made me feel that it couldn't be. As the flame did go through my body I did feel my broken bones heal. However this just can't be real. That bear had me dead to rights. I remember very little about screaming for help whether it was for the pain of the bear, or the pain I was feeling. And now I had Carlise and this new guy called Edward, talking to me about becoming a vampire. Vampires indeed they were figments of old wives tales, scary stories, books, and superstitious nonsense. They explained to me the strength I would have the first year and how careful I must be. I could not be social with humans, they cannot know how different we are. That the first year is the hardest because of the strength and desire. I will always crave human blood. However I could learn another way to exist where I can be near humans and not hurt them.
I heard Rosalie ask, "Is everything was OK? Carlise answered "It's almost time, another 10 minutes to go, give or take a few minutes." Rosalie was worried, but Edward and Carlise both said I will be fine. I heard Carlise ask Rosalie and Esme(another one?) to stand outside as they started to help me with my new life.
Once my eyes opened and I saw things with much more clarity, so defined I could see tiny imperfections in the walls and ceiling, ones that I know no one who was normal would be able to see. Again I refused to believe what was being told to me. All I wanted to think of was the fire still in my throat, and how I needed to quench it. They told me they were different than others. That they only drank animals blood, that was why their eyes were amber in color. I looked at the full length mirror in the room, and was shocked to see that I was as pale as they were, with a more statuesque look. Someone must have gone shopping for clothes for me, as neither these two gentlemen were my size. The shock of what I saw made me want to believe what they were saying. Then I looked up and really was shocked when I saw my eyes.
I kept asking, and Carlise kept telling me that those are the eyes of a vampire, however if I chose their way of life it would take time but will look amber in color, which helps them fit into society better.
I was confused and angry at this point, and I wanted to run, but Carlise and Edward hovered real close, making sure I wouldn't bolt out the door, but they didn't expect my personal angel walking through the door.
Rosalie spoke first. "Emmett, I don't know where to start." "Start"! I yelled back at her. "I thought an angel came to take me from this earth to heaven, instead I was burned alive in the hell of this worthless world. I never thought the devil could look so beautiful", I seethed.
Rosalie started to answer, but before she could a word out of her mouth, I ran past her, away from the bodyguards of Carlise and Edward, out the door and ran right into Esme She hit the back wall with so much force I didn't know how she was still standing let alone try to hold me back.
I ran down, out the front door, and into the woods. I smelled a wonderful smell, and the speed of running took me quite by surprise. I ran towards the smell and jumped on the hunter without him hearing or seeing me. How ironic it is that the hunter became the hunted.I bit him and drained him dry. I fell to my knees yelling OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!" *1
By that time the whole family so to speak had found me and consoled me for what I had done. They kept saying it was not my fault for they haven't helped me yet. I honestly can't see how the death of this man was not my fault considering I was the one who did it.
They slowly brought me back to the house and started again with what, who, how, why I ended up the way I was. "Rosalie," I said, "please forgive me for the things I said to you. "You look like and are an angel to me, I just need some time to get used to this life". Rosalie responded "We have forever Emmett". "It may sound strange Rosalie, but I feel a certain connection to you, like we were meant for each other" I answered her, and she smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, she was my angel.
Rosalie's Diary can be found at here
As she held my hand during much of the pain filled me, I learned her name was Rosalie. A beautiful name for a beautiful angel.
With this pain I was feeling I was wondering if she was a Siren calling out to me and drag me to hell. I wondered if maybe I was a bad person and I had died and had gone to hell, but the soft voices around me made me feel that it couldn't be. As the flame did go through my body I did feel my broken bones heal. However this just can't be real. That bear had me dead to rights. I remember very little about screaming for help whether it was for the pain of the bear, or the pain I was feeling. And now I had Carlise and this new guy called Edward, talking to me about becoming a vampire. Vampires indeed they were figments of old wives tales, scary stories, books, and superstitious nonsense. They explained to me the strength I would have the first year and how careful I must be. I could not be social with humans, they cannot know how different we are. That the first year is the hardest because of the strength and desire. I will always crave human blood. However I could learn another way to exist where I can be near humans and not hurt them.
I heard Rosalie ask, "Is everything was OK? Carlise answered "It's almost time, another 10 minutes to go, give or take a few minutes." Rosalie was worried, but Edward and Carlise both said I will be fine. I heard Carlise ask Rosalie and Esme(another one?) to stand outside as they started to help me with my new life.
Once my eyes opened and I saw things with much more clarity, so defined I could see tiny imperfections in the walls and ceiling, ones that I know no one who was normal would be able to see. Again I refused to believe what was being told to me. All I wanted to think of was the fire still in my throat, and how I needed to quench it. They told me they were different than others. That they only drank animals blood, that was why their eyes were amber in color. I looked at the full length mirror in the room, and was shocked to see that I was as pale as they were, with a more statuesque look. Someone must have gone shopping for clothes for me, as neither these two gentlemen were my size. The shock of what I saw made me want to believe what they were saying. Then I looked up and really was shocked when I saw my eyes.
I kept asking, and Carlise kept telling me that those are the eyes of a vampire, however if I chose their way of life it would take time but will look amber in color, which helps them fit into society better.
I was confused and angry at this point, and I wanted to run, but Carlise and Edward hovered real close, making sure I wouldn't bolt out the door, but they didn't expect my personal angel walking through the door.
Rosalie spoke first. "Emmett, I don't know where to start." "Start"! I yelled back at her. "I thought an angel came to take me from this earth to heaven, instead I was burned alive in the hell of this worthless world. I never thought the devil could look so beautiful", I seethed.
Rosalie started to answer, but before she could a word out of her mouth, I ran past her, away from the bodyguards of Carlise and Edward, out the door and ran right into Esme She hit the back wall with so much force I didn't know how she was still standing let alone try to hold me back.
I ran down, out the front door, and into the woods. I smelled a wonderful smell, and the speed of running took me quite by surprise. I ran towards the smell and jumped on the hunter without him hearing or seeing me. How ironic it is that the hunter became the hunted.I bit him and drained him dry. I fell to my knees yelling OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!" *1
By that time the whole family so to speak had found me and consoled me for what I had done. They kept saying it was not my fault for they haven't helped me yet. I honestly can't see how the death of this man was not my fault considering I was the one who did it.
They slowly brought me back to the house and started again with what, who, how, why I ended up the way I was. "Rosalie," I said, "please forgive me for the things I said to you. "You look like and are an angel to me, I just need some time to get used to this life". Rosalie responded "We have forever Emmett". "It may sound strange Rosalie, but I feel a certain connection to you, like we were meant for each other" I answered her, and she smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, she was my angel.
Emmett Lewis McCarty
Born July 9th 1917
Died April 20, 1935 *
Emmett Lewis Cullen
Reborn April 23, 1935 *
I know this was quite long, but I have much to say about that 1st year. Next time I write will be how I received my new name.
Until then,
Emmett
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*1 Rosalie's Diary
*, * Dates of died and reborn from Rosalie's Diary
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Rosalie's Diary can be found at here
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